When we have a lifetime of abuse, bad experiences, etc., we do store up very unpleasant emotions. They crowd out any room for us that could be filled with God’s love. They become our heartbeat and we seek ways to medicate the pain because Western medicine excludes the spiritual aspect of healing.
So while we are numbing our pain we are also numbing our soul and that is what torments us.
After a while, we become separated from our soul and the drugs become our heartbeat, making us feel like we will die without them.
But we won’t die without them.
Instead, our soul dies a slow death and we no longer truly live life.
We merely exist in our own hell and tell ourselves that the drugs make us happy.
Its all a big lie and we let ourselves believe this lie.
We stop believing in God, the universe, etc.
We spend our time seeking our drug of choice, believing it keeps us going and makes us OK. All the while our soul is starving and the emptiness engulfs us so we continue to fill it with our drug. Then one day our soul screams out that it’s going to die due to neglect and starvation.
This is when we start waking up and stop enjoying this lifestyle and the struggle begins–our body and our soul is both screaming to be fed and we know we have to change or both our body and soul will die.
Our body can live w/o the drug.
Our soul will die from the drug.
We need to believe that there really is a power so much bigger than us and our problems.
We need to seek that and allow it to heal us and comfort us and stop believing our own lies. This is my belief and my experience.
In no way am I preaching or trying to convert anyone to my beliefs. I still have more questions than answers, but all I am doing is sharing my experience.
I hope it helps someone.