I am 109 days off of Subs. My original DOC was opiates intravenously….dilaudid, oxy, opana, morphine, etc. I found my way to the methadone clinic in 2012 and stayed on methadone for nearly a year. I tapered off of methadone and then relapsed a few weeks later.
I decided then to take the Suboxone route.
I never took the amount prescribed. I never went above 2 mgs because I knew I didn’t want to get too dependent due to my experience with methadone.
I was stable at 1 MG for nearly 7 months. I then got a wild hair up my ass and decided to abuse the subs intravenously. That is when I knew it was time to make a change.
What do you do when you are abusing the drug that is supposed to keep you from abusing drugs? I made some huge changes in my diet when I went on subs.
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I watched several documentaries that convinced me that nutrition was the answer to healing. Fast forward to February 2015…. I knew this time I was serious about getting and staying clean.
Even though I was still on subs I did not feel clean since I was abusing them. I tapered down to .5 mgs and as luck would have it, my company closed it’s doors in March and I was laid off.
I felt happier and encouraged. On April 7, my 40th birthday, I made that final jump. I waited patiently for the horrible withdrawals to start, and to my utter amazement, I never had any withdrawal symptoms.
I did have some kratom on hand just in case. Looking back I wish I hadn’t even had it in my home because I never even touched the kratom until I was 19 days sub free.
Veering off my Path with Kratom
I didn’t start taking kratom to combat withdrawals. I started taking it because I suffered a family tragedy and my addict behaviour told me that the kratom would numb the pain and it would be a better alternative to the other drugs.
It did work…..too well.
I am one of those people that actually gets a high from kratom. For me it was no different than taking any other opiates.
I would wake up every morning with horrible withdrawals from the kratom and I found myself feeling trapped again. So I tapered off of the kratom and gave away about 300 grams just to get it out of the house.
If it is in the house I am weak.
I joined the gym a few days before stopping kratom because I knew I would need to continue to heal my mind, body, and spirit.
I am now 2 weeks off of kratom and 4 days off of weed…..my final vice of mind altering substance. My goal is complete abstinence and I am finally there….. Early stages but 100% substance free…. Other than my supplements.
How do I feel?
I feel AMAZING!!!!
I feel like I’ve been given yet another chance at a clean life and there is no way in Hell I will throw it all away this time.
This has been a long journey but I have a great support system with this group and I am 3 months into a new relationship with a man that has never done drugs and has been a huge source of inspiration for me.
I love my new lease on life and wild horses couldn’t drag me away!
If I can do this ANYONE can.
My Advice to those Tapering or Jumping…..
- Do not take as much as the doctor prescribes. Keep your dose as low as you can.
- Do not stay on subs any longer than you have to. It should be a step toward recovery, not a final resting place.
- Find a support system….. Even if it is just a Facebook group…. Use it!
- Get spiritual and MEDITATE!!!!
- EAT HEALTHY!
- Repair the damage to your brain with supplements like DLPA and 5-HTP.
- Have loperamide on hand for withdrawals…..not kratom.
- Believe in yourself!!!!
Again…. This is how I did it (minus the kratom) and my advice. I’m not professing that my way is the only way but maybe my story will help someone.
I believe in all of us!
Love and Light!!!!